Safe words are absolutely invaluable in the BDSM community. Without them there’s really no way of telling when a sub needs to stop. They should always be respected and used in serious situations. That’s obvious, but what about when the sub is bound and gagged? Safe words are effective when said, but if his or her mouth is stuffed with a gag or something else, they can’t use them. Just because they can’t speak doesn’t mean that you can’t play, though. There are other ways to use a safe word – sort of a sign language instead of a spoken one is all.
While none of these will necessarily scream out STOP, they will get the message across as long as you’re being a good Dom and paying attention to what’s going on. While the safe gesture can be something like their hand slicing across their neck, that’s not always possible either since his or her hands might be bound. In that case it’s going to have to be a head or finger movement. Unless your bottom is entirely frozen, there will be some body part that can jerk or whirl around to give the sign.
The Double Squeeze
It’s not uncommon for a sub to squeeze their Dom’s arm or leg during moments of intense pleasure or pain. Using that as a sign that you need to stop is just about as useful as “No” being a safe word; it’s used far too often. A solution to this is using the double tap method. Squeezing twice, as hard as they can, is enough to feel that they’ve signaled you without confusing it with their hands just grasping you when they cum.
The Dropping Method
These are all very subtle ways to give a silent message to a Dom who might be really in the moment. If you’re sincerely worried that you’re going to go too far and not notice when you’re being told to stop, make the silent gesture even bigger. Give your sub a red handkerchief or some marbles. When they’ve reached their limit they can drop them, throw them at you, or whatever it takes to get your attention. There will either be a sound (marbles) or a bright visual (handkerchief) that will be sure to be noticed.
It’s All in the Face
Once you’ve tuned in with your slave, you’ll know all of the faces that they make during play. When you’ve got them bound and gagged, pay special attention to their face. Decide beforehand that they might wiggle their nose, cross their eyes, or raise an eyebrow to say “I’ve had enough”. If you’re focused on their face, these expressions will be sure to look weird and do a little to break the mood and get you to notice them.
While it might seem really intimidating to start silent games with your bottom, you shouldn’t let it stop you. Many subs love to be silenced, and not giving that to them isn’t being the best Dom that you can be. At the very least give it a try and see how it goes. With luck, it will only strengthen your BDSM relationship.